always the same

nothing ever changes, you never change







I was outside taking some pictures of the sky & clouds for reference for some painting or other further down the line when this older woman, say retired early, came round the corner of the house "oh are you copying me?" in this fucking patronising voice well actually no I'm not copying you you are the same person that when I was four stopped me drawing night scenes in class, made me stand outside the class & I was forced to get someone round to school to tell you that you didn't tell me what to do as far as art was concerned, I decided that, you're that same person who stopped me telling my own mother when I had a poem published when I was ten, you're that same person that who left me without a pencil to even drawn with by the time I was 14, only expressing myself in biology & geography & technical in physics, you're the same person who used to take my songs put other music to it then use it to take the piss out of me humiliate me & use it to just down grade any effort until I gave up writing songs
you're always the same nothing ever changes & no one thing I am not fucking doing is copying you rant over



you are not helping you are part of the problem
.:.

My Spice Infusion Drink

I've done some searching on the net & came together with this "tea"




in this image:
lemon juice / honey / turmeric / cayenne pepper / cardamon pods / ginger powder

the idea behind this drink was to find something soothing, good for aches & pains, good for arthritis & nice to drink (prevention is better than cure)
the turmeric is now a proven aid to all aches & pains/circulation/arthritis/antiseptic/antibacterial agent/natural liver detoxifier/natural painkiller/rheumatoid arthritis/prostate cancer
the cardamon pods improve digestion & stimulate the metabolism/detoxifies/cleanses the kidneys/stimulates digestive system
the cayenne pepper is an excellent - from my trials - head soother/stop heart attacks/re-build stomach tissue/heal stomach ulcers/lowers cholesterol/removes toxins from the bloodstream/equalizes blood pressure
the ginger powder is antiemetic/antinausea/anticlotting agent/antispasmodic/antifungal/anti-inflammatory/antiseptic/antibacterial/antiviral/antitussive/analgesic/circulatory stimulant/increases blood flow/relaxes peripheral blood vessels

infact if you have the start of a migraine, you know when it's starting & you know how bad it is going to be, then try this drink :)
[I'm not suggesting it will get rid of your migraine - I am suggesting that it will make it a little bit easier - plus having what I hope is a good mixture & just the right amount of spices soothing your stomach will help you not feeling so sick]

to make :
a mug & one half of water
one eighth level teaspoon turmeric
one eighth level teaspoon cayenne pepper
one eighth level teaspoon ginger powder
three cardamon pods - broken open
one teaspoon lemon juice
one teaspoon honey

add all but the last two ingredients to a small pan with a mug & a half of water
bring to the boil & boil for seven minutes (depends on how hard it's boiling)
add the teaspoon of honey & lemon
continue to boil for a further three minutes
use a sieve to strain off the floaters
then enjoy
I suggest 1 mug a day if suffering from general aches & pains
& can personally recommend it as a first thing in the morning drink for an extra kick-start



unfortunately has no effect on a broken heart, doesn't get rid of that sickness
.:.

THINKING IS THE NEW BLACK

COPY ART
after: PICASSO - Mandoline sur un guéridon - 11 Feb 1920
watercolour on paper [original is gouache on cardboard]
charcoal layout
11" x 17" quarter imperial cold pressed 300gms paper
£50 +p&p & insurance

http://picasso.shsu.edu/index.php?view=ArtworkInfo&OPPID=OPP.20%3A013


keep doing this keep my mind occupied keep from thinking about it all
.:.

THERAPY [BLANK]

...




...
COPY ART
after: Picasso - Compotier et mandoline sur un buffet IV - 13th March 1920
watercolour on paper (- original is gouache on paper)
11" x 17" quarter imperial cold pressed 300gms paper
http://picasso.shsu.edu/index.php?view=ArtworkInfo&OPPID=OPP.20%3A218

£40 +p&p & insurance



BLANK
BLANK
BLANK
BLANK
BLANK
BLANK
BLANK
BLANK
BLANK
BLANK
BLANK
BLANK
BLANK


.:.

THERAPY

...
COPY ART
after: Picasso - Compotier et mandoline sur un buffet IV - 13th March 1920
charcoal layout
??? on paper (- original is gouache on paper)
11" x 17" quarter imperial cold pressed 300gms paper
http://picasso.shsu.edu/index.php?view=ArtworkInfo&OPPID=OPP.20%3A218

as it was beginning to feel a bit like the worthless piece of shit I know I am
I come across the on-line Picasso Project

I know how important art can be as therapy so I've decided to try myself at COPY ART
see where it goes
it will keep my mind off her

‎
We need Joy as we need air. We need Love as we need water. We need each other as we need the earth we share
- Maya Angelou

CRUSHED
I wish I knew what to do
.:.

HEY YOU! [the lost plot]

...
COPY ART
after: roy lichtenstein - hey you! 1973
acrylic on canvas
30cm x 40cm
£50 +p&p & insurance


CRUSHED


"We need Joy as we need air.We need Love as we need water.We need each other as we need the earth we share."
- Maya Angelou

[it's all lies]
.:.

HEY YOU [aka losing the plot]

...
COPY ART
after: roy lichtenstein - hey you 1973
acrylic on canvas - black layout
30cm x 40cm
£50 +p&p & insurance



"I can tell you what I mean by total confusion - it's not knowing up from down, left from right, not knowing right from wrong or knowing stupid from common sense. doing something stupid & wrong but think I'm doing something right. failing to see that I could possibly be wrong - that's falling for you. I've had relationships before but only because I needed one, nothing no one like you. I've never looked for love & I was planning on there never being any at all, before you. I haven't had sex in 15 years I've been that much into not looking. Then there's you & everything collapsed.
it took me over a month to pluck up the courage to say to you "you look like you'll be trouble" ax"

Hey You (Waters) 4:39 Hey you, out there in the cold Getting lonely, getting old Can you feel me? Hey you, standing in the aisles With itchy feet and fading smiles Can you feel me? Hey you, dont help them to bury the light Don't give in without a fight. Hey you, out there on your own Sitting naked by the phone Would you touch me? Hey you, with you ear against the wall Waiting for someone to call out Would you touch me? Hey you, would you help me to carry the stone? Open your heart, I'm coming home. But it was only fantasy. The wall was too high, As you can see. No matter how he tried, He could not break free. And the worms ate into his brain. Hey you, standing in the road always doing what you're told, Can you help me? Hey you, out there beyond the wall, Breaking bottles in the hall, Can you help me? Hey you, don't tell me there's no hope at all Together we stand, divided we fall.

.:.

do love Picasso so

http://picasso.shsu.edu/index.php
do love Picasso so
http://picasso.shsu.edu/index.php

.:.

HEY YOU!

...
COPY ART
after: roy lichtenstein - hey you 1973
acrylic on canvas - charcoal layout
30cm x 40cm
£50 +p&p & insurance

Hey You (Waters) 4:39 Hey you, out there in the cold Getting lonely, getting old Can you feel me? Hey you, standing in the aisles With itchy feet and fading smiles Can you feel me? Hey you, dont help them to bury the light Don't give in without a fight. Hey you, out there on your own Sitting naked by the phone Would you touch me? Hey you, with you ear against the wall Waiting for someone to call out Would you touch me? Hey you, would you help me to carry the stone? Open your heart, I'm coming home. But it was only fantasy. The wall was too high, As you can see. No matter how he tried, He could not break free. And the worms ate into his brain. Hey you, standing in the road always doing what you're told, Can you help me? Hey you, out there beyond the wall, Breaking bottles in the hall, Can you help me? Hey you, don't tell me there's no hope at all Together we stand, divided we fall. [Click of TV being turned on] "Well, only got an hour of daylight left. Better get started" "Isnt it unsafe to travel at night?" "It'll be a lot less safe to stay here. You're father's gunna pick up our trail before long" "Can Loca ride?" "Yeah, I can ride... Magaret, time to go! Maigret, thank you for everything" "Goodbye Chenga" "Goodbye miss ..." "I'll be back"

.:.

something to live for?

...


COPY ART - after: roy lichtenstein - pistol 1964
acrylic on canvas
30cm x 40cm
£50 +p&p & insurance



it's not what he did to me
that was physical
& years have passed
it is the nightmare he has left me with
that being I am a worthless piece of shit that doesn't deserve to live
that's the nightmare I can't wake up from
that's the nightmare that keeps me down stairs on the sofa
that's the nightmare that rules my life restricting my every tun
now if people understand this then I can trust them & we can move forward & hopefully leave it behind

can you understand why I need something to live for?
I'm not it, just the worthless piece of shit that doesn't deserve to live
on a psychological level it really is something I think I have to do/be/have
if I don't then one day I worry that I might just do it
if I have something to live for then I will be functioning on something close to a "normal level"
it is something I would do well, I am subservient to everything, I can't help it, it's all that's left
it took years after to just stop doing whatever anybody said
it took me even longer to stop physically flinching if anyone moved near me
if I had something to live for then I really would be alive

I thought/think I've found someone that is worth living for
.:.

A POEM FOR BRIDGET

I would have bought you roses
To show you that I care
To show how much I love you
My bleeding heart laid bare

But to love you is heartbreaking
To know you're just not there
What would I give to hold you
Though your wish is not to care

I would have bought you roses
To show my love was true
Except I write here broken-hearted
I am so in love with you

...
working on another
they don't come as easily as they used to
but then I've never been broken hearted before

there was one before her, but the 10 year age difference was too much for her so she went back to her ex-husband
& about 16 years ago a rather pathetic "relationship" that lasted 4 months until she decided to bring home the man she had been fucking on holiday & so that was that
& before that what can only be described as degrading & humiliating experiences for the poor women involved in my drunken attempts to have sex about 6 times
there's nothing to give me the experience to handle her not being there
I don't know what to do
I'm lost & making so many many mistakes
honestly don't see the point in continuing
I've not felt like this since I was 16 & failed to kill myself
guess it's just another regret to add to my life of regrets
I see why nobody has slept with me for over 15 years

when I was a child & he used to beat me near to death
he used to say things to me as he was doing it
he told me that this would never happen for me
I was scared
you are so beautiful & you were saying all those things to me
I ran away because it was easier to do than believe you
how could I believe you? (you are beautiful you are everything)
why would you be saying those things?
you couldn't have meant them?
& you couldn't have meant them for me anyway?
it was all I knew
my only experience was being told that it would never happen for me
I wanted you to understand
but you wouldn't, you just left
& now I cry every day
.:.

FOR SALE : ART WORK

...
if I wasn't doing this "copy art" I don't think I would be doing anything
didn't think it would effect me so badly
but then again she was the only one
so everything she said ...




.:.

FOR SALE : ART WORK

...
more art
if I wasn't doing this "copy art" I don't think I would be doing anything

so everything she said...





.:.