Big Hallucination

And if I open my heart to you
And show you my weak side
What would you do?

I never had the nerve to make the final cut

The Final Cut (Waters)

Through the fish-eyed lens of tear stained eyes
I can barely define the shape of this moment in time
And far from flying high in clear blue skies
I'm spiraling down to the hole in the ground where I hide.

If you negotiate the minefield in the drive
And beat the dogs and cheat the cold electronic eyes
And if you make it past the shotgun in the hall,
Dial the combination, open the priesthole
And if I'm in I'll tell you what's behind the wall.

There's a kid who had a big hallucination
Making love to girls in magazines.
He wonders if you're sleeping with your new found faith.
Could anybody love him
Or is it just a crazy dream?

And if I show you my dark side
Will you still hold me tonight?
And if I open my heart to you
And show you my weak side
What would you do?
Would you sell your story to Rolling Stone?
Would you take the children away
And leave me alone?
And smile in reassurance
As you whisper down the phone?
Would you send me packing?
Or would you take me home?

Thought I oughta bare my naked feelings,
Thought I oughta tear the curtain down.
I held the blade in trembling hands
Prepared to make it but just then the phone rang
I never had the nerve to make the final cut.

"Hello? Listen, I think I've got it. Okay, listen its a HaHa!"

when I was a child '79 '80 '81 it was safer to wander the streets of a suburb of Bolton than it was to be at home I would hide out anywhere that was dry out of the rain & snow old buildings powerunits half built houses because I feared that he would kill me if I was at home there were no friends to hide out with until it was time to go home leaving it until the last seconds to run inside & upstairs to bed I'd spent the last four years praying to god fanatically but had given up believing in a god that would let this happen to me I ran away to kill myself at sixteen but I made my grandmother cry I'd never seen her cry & felt so ashamed that I had done so instead I hid in her airing cupboard for six months only coming out at night when it was safe

I never had the nerve to make the final cut

.:.